As the average price of a Canadian house hit $668,754 in July, up by more than 6% in past year, homeowners and renters across the country are feeling the squeeze. Canadians, particularly millenni…
Trudeau assures worried Liberal staffers he will remain influential and wealthy after electoral collapse
OTTAWA – With polls showing Conservatives trouncing the federal Liberals in a hypothetical election, Prime Minister Trudeau reassured worried party staffers that he will suffer almost no lo…
Corporations hoarding homes thank Canadians for enthusiastically blaming immigration
MARKHAM, ON – As housing unaffordability rages out of control, the loose coalition of corporate landlords, investment property flippers, Airbnb moguls, REITs, and foreign real estate money …
Emboldened Doug Ford sells off Brampton
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the minimal fallout of the recent Greenbelt scandal, where Ontario’s Conservative Government took orders from connected property developers to allow dev…
Canadian flag updated to show maple leaf burning in wildfire
OTTAWA – As a summer season of wildfires rages across the nation, the Federal Government has updated the Canadian flag to more accurately depict the maple leaf burning in an uncontrolled wi…
Following announcement, Trudeau requests no questions regarding his separation or housing or inflation
OTTAWA – Following the surprise public announcement that he and wife Sophie Gregoire Trudeau will be separating, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has requested the media refrain from asking an…
Minister Ahmed Hussen fixes housing prices by knocking $20 off his newest rental property
OTTAWA – Federal Housing Minister Ahmed Hussen has announced an end to Canada’s housing affordability crisis after reducing the rent on his latest income property by twenty whole dollars. “…
Mayor-elect Olivia Chow currently riding bike to go do donuts on Doug Ford’s lawn
TORONTO – Following her victory in last night’s citywide election, mayor elect Olivia Chow has announced that her first order of business will be to ride her bike directly to Etobicok…
Ford warns Chow mayoralty will cause Toronto’s collapse, also cause last 13 years of collapse
TORONTO – As she swears in as Mayor, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is warning that Olivia Chow will not only lead to devastation for the city, but also lead to the previous 13 years of collapse…
Editorial: With news blocked on Facebook, we the Beaverton are now the sole arbiters of truth
By The Beaverton Editorial Staff, aka Supreme Rulers of Truth and Fact Greetings subjects! As you may have read, back in the Before Times when factual news articles weren’t yet banned from this s…