Guelph, ON – Local man Mark Nellis, who “totally meant” to vote in the last Canadian election but forgot, is currently providing a thoughtful and considerate analysis of Tuesday’s Midterm elections to his friends and family.
“Sure all the polls are pointing to a Blue Wave, but the key will be whether the electorate uniformly shifts left from 2024 or if some areas go super blue while others barely move at all,” said Nellis, who can not name his MP, MPP or city councillor. “If we see a 10 point swing in Texas for example, and no change in Michigan, then Republicans will likely win both of those Senate seats.”
“I’ve actually put together my own model tracking early voting data in North Carolina and Florida, because those states release party registration details on voters, so the info is far more useful than Maine, where you’re basically just guessing based on where people live,” he added.
Nellis believes the U.S. midterms are a hugely important event worthy of the multiple hours he spends reading about it everyday, given the huge impact U.S. policies have on Canada, unlike Canadian elections apparently.
“Obviously we’d be in way better shape in Montana if the Democrat and independent weren’t splitting the anti-GOP vote, but I feel good about Iowa given Josh Kurek’s high favourability with white working class voters. And in Kansas Roger Marshall’s recent collections agency scandal could turn a lot of people off,” said Nellis as he did some Senate calculations on the back of his unused voter information card from last month’s municipal election, which was decided by just a few votes.
“Fucking Haley Stevens,” added the man who is just an engaged citizen and certainly not an addict whose vice happens to be U.S. politics instead of gambling or drugs.
At press time Nellis had the odds of the GOP keeping the Senate at a paltry 18%, just 1 point higher than the odds of him ever finding love.
