TORONTO – Governments from across Canada and around the world have been anxiously awaiting predictive modelling that will give an educated guess of when they can resume gutting the public h…
Tag: Featured Post
Man accused of sexual assault to win 2020 presidency
WASHINGTON DC – Following today’s announcement from Bernie Sanders’ campaign that the Vermont senator will no longer be seeking the Democratic nomination, the path has been cleared fo…
Local man damned if he’s going to let self isolation motivate him to exercise
VANCOUVER — Local sales manager Brett Thomas has stated in no uncertain terms that he’s damned if he’s going to let his self isolation and time away from work motivate him to exercise. “I underst…
I know Tiger King was messed up, but I’m going to be the right sort of tiger owner
By: Dave Croft I think the documentary Tiger King, by focusing on people like Doc Antle, Joe Exotic and Carole Baskin, has skewed the public’s perception of tiger owners. Most of us are har…
“Thank god for service workers” says man who will oppose minimum wage hike in 9 months
Oshawa, ON – Local man Keith Spahr is adding his voice to the millions of Canadians currently expressing gratitude at the people who are allowing us to buy groceries and other essential ite…
Hypebeasts disappointed to discover Supreme gas not a petroleum collab
TORONTO – Hypebeasts around the world found themselves disappointed after the new revelation that Supreme gas is not actually a petroleum collab as they had thought all this time. It was co…
Corporations disappointed they won’t be able to commodify queer culture this year
TORONTO – In an effort to stop the spread of COVID-19, Toronto Pride has been cancelled and corporations are scrambling to figure out how they can best commodify queer culture this year. “P…
Local teen grounds parents for sneaking out of the house
Sherbrooke, QC – Local teenager, Jeremy Powers, has grounded his parents for continuously leaving the house and not heeding Public Health’s warning to self isolate. “I’m at the end of my wi…
Doug Ford extends quarantine after learning how long it takes to grow out bangs
TORONTO – Having announced a two-week-long state of emergency roughly two weeks ago, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province-wide order would be extended after he learned how …
Local psychopath still planning on celebrating April Fools’ Day
Kelowna, BC – Local man and absolute lunatic George Black says that, despite literally everything happening right now, he still intends to go all out for April Fool’s Day. “I know people ar…
