TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to…
Tag: Doug Ford
Supreme Court rules carbon tax constitutional after invoking ‘We’re All Gonna Fucking Die’ principle
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada held that Justin Trudeau’s imposition of the carbon tax was constitutional as a result of the little known ‘if we don’t do something we’re gonna be real…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
Ontario scrambling after discovering vaccines need to be administered to population
TORONTO – The Ontario government is racing to fix a huge oversight with COVID-19 vaccines after realizing they also need to actually administer them to people. “I just don’t know how someon…
Trudeau, Biden talk sports, how to break central campaign promises
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President Joe Biden met on Tuesday to discuss important Canada – US relation topics, including some light talk about sports, and also how th…
New tracking bracelets vibrate every time Doug Ford has dumb idea
TORONTO – The Office of the Auditor General of Ontario has unveiled a new line of digital tracking devices that vibrate every time Doug Ford posits a very stupid idea. The Auditor General s…
Doug Ford sets up snitch line for parents who taught kids Sex Ed during lockdown
TORONTO – With the remaining Ontario schools finally open again, Premier Doug Ford is determined to ensure a safe return to the classroom – by setting up a snitch line for heathen parents who tau…
Doug Ford to reopen high schools after pressure from vodka cooler lobby
Caledon, ON – Doug Ford announced that secondary schools in Toronto, Peel Region, and York Region will resume in-person instruction February 16th, a move many believe was spurred by mountin…
Ford: Thousands more COVID Cases worth it for chance to partially re-open economy for a couple months before shutting down again
TORONTO – One day after announcing plans to partially re-open the province despite the fact new cases remain over 1000 a day, Premier Doug Ford says the risk is worth it for the chance to h…
