OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President Joe Biden met on Tuesday to discuss important Canada – US relation topics, including some light talk about sports, and also how the two can work together to break many important campaign promises they both made and get away with it.
“You know I love Baseball more than most people give me credit for,” Trudeau began. “Also what you gotta do is take a real big campaign promise, like for me it was my promise to remove the first past the post voting system, and really quickly just be like ‘Oh we’re not doing that.’”
“After that, you use the next few years to slowly reveal the other big promises you were never going to keep. Like, I don’t even think people realize how little I’ve actually done for indigenous Canadians.”
Biden left the meeting with a renewed respect for Trudeau’s sports knowledge and shrewd ability to fail Canadians with a smile. “He taught me the origins of knuckleball, and made me feel better after I almost immediately told Americans I will do nothing about the children in cages at the border. I’ll make sure I drag out the smaller stimulus cheque thing so they’re not right on top of each other.”
Political commentators hope the similarities between the two politicians will lead to an improvement in US – Canada relations. Voters note the politicians share many similarities including their left-leaning views, charming public personas, and the likelihood of both completely abandoning the left-leaning policies responsible for getting them elected.
“Really I’m just passing down the tips President Obama gave me years ago,” Trudeau explained after the meeting. “Campaigning on reforming the financial system and then immediately hiring all the people who helped break it down was a masterstroke!”
The success of the meeting has led to other big name politicians meeting across the border, such as Ted Cruz meeting with Doug Ford to offer advice on being a dad and how to completely abandon the populace you are meant to protect during an emergency.