Theresa Spence begins eating strike
OTTAWA – Just hours after ending a 6-week-long hunger strike, Theresa Spence, Chief of the Attawapiskat First Nation, announced she is ignoring all medical advice and commencing an eating s…
Harper to First Nations: ‘We must support Israel’
OTTAWA – Addressing the ongoing calls for government commitment to pursue First Nations issues, Prime Minister Stephen Harper released a statement to Aboriginal leaders this Friday morning …
Machismo exhibited by not using lip balm
TORONTO – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends when he refused to use his girlfriend’s lip balm on his severely chapped lips, sources reported Thursday. Saunders and his girlfriend…
Incorrigible Obama cheats on ‘No Drone Strikes’ New Year’s resolution
WASHINGTON – In spite of its inclusion in his New Year’s vow to cut back on personal indulgences, President Obama has been unable to kick the habit of repeatedly bombing Pakistan with robot…
Taylor Swift pens Harry Styles breakup song titled ‘I’m Way Way Way Way Waaaaaay Too Young for You’
NASHVILLE – Taylor Swift, 23, may have broken up with 18-year-old Harry Styles only a couple of weeks ago, but she is already hard at work writing one of her classic breakup ballads about t…
Heavy-breathing evangelical student protests what he thinks happened at U of T orgy
TORONTO – While several hundred lined up for the so-called ‘student sex party’ hosted by a U of T campus group last night, one heavily-breathing, self-proclaimed evangelical student spent t…
Halo 4 giving gamer Call of Duty flashbacks
MANNING, AB – After sitting down to enjoy his recently purchased copy of Halo 4, local gamer Lucas Bordfeld began experiencing flashbacks to his days of game-play on the more realistic firs…
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