VANCOUVER – As the province of BC’s public school teachers continue their strike this week, approximately 500,000 students are left unable to skip school. “Where am I supposed to drop my child o...
NSA on leaked celebrity nudes: ‘What’s the big deal? We’ve had these for months’
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Responding to security concerns after the intimate photos and videos of over 100 celebrities were hacked and leaked online, NSA Director Admiral Michael S. Rogers said that th...
Screw it, we’re all going to die anyway
By Rona Ambrose, Minister of Health I was sitting on a panel discussing assisted suicide the other day when I came to a startling realization. I’ve been totally gypped. At first I thought, wow, minist...
Fans disappointed after Brangelina wedding fails to give meaning to their lives
LOS ANGELES – Fans of actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie found themselves at a crossroads this week, after news of the celebrity couple’s recent nuptials failed to add a trace of meaning to their own...
Politicians quickly change opinion of their now deceased colleague
OTTAWA – In a sign of respect, politicians of all stripes have promptly changed their opinion of their now deceased colleague from negative to positive. “He was a great man,” lied a fellow lawma...
IMF unveils elite new currency only rich people can use
WASHINGTON — International Monetary Fund Managing director Christine Lagarde yesterday unveiled a new luxury currency that will be used to provide those in the one percent a stable, convenient alterna...
Man adds stick figure family to back windshield compensating for loneliness, sterility
THUNDER BAY – Arthur Brown, 38, has decorated the rear windshield of his 2001 Toyota Matrix with a fictitious family in order to blend into a new neighbourhood, masking the loneliness and steril...
Canada Post to push people out of wheelchairs to see if home delivery needed
OTTAWA – Persons with disabilities, seniors and the very ill will now be required to be pushed out of their wheelchairs by Canada Post in order to prove that they need home delivery services. “A...
New $6 Starbucks drink consists entirely of foam
TORONTO – Kicking off its new Fall menu next week, Starbucks has unveiled its new drink that consists entirely of foam. The ‘Frothachino’ consists of small bubbles made from a steamer and comes ...
