EDMONTON – Local man Taylor Webster has been having difficulty satisfactorily scratching the many mosquito bites he got last week at the lake, likely because the recent snowfall has required him...
William and Kate confirm: ‘we just can’t stop boning’
LONDON – With the news of a second baby on the way, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed they both “really like boning.” “We are very pleased to announce that our constan...
DNA tests ‘prove’ that Jack the Ripper was a super weird dude
LONDON – Following years of DNA testing on one of the only surviving pieces of physical evidence, British scientists have conclusively determined that notorious serial murderer Jack the Ripper w...
September 6th, 1917: Billy Bishop shoots down entire German air force
NEAR ARRAS, FRANCE – Canadian fighter ace Captain Billy Bishop of the Royal Flying Corps has shot down the entire German Imperial Air Force capping his aerial victory count to 3,268. After being...
Harper finally gets to send troops to Iraq after 11 year wait
NEWPORT, WALES – After waiting over a decade, Prime Minister Stephen Harper will get his wish to send Canadian troops to Iraq. “Canada can be proud to fight alongside with our US allies in the C...
11 year-olds in tree house divided over ‘no girls’ policy
VANCOUVER – Controversy has struck the tree fort in Jeffrey Lewis’s backyard following the implementation of a ‘no girls’ rule. “It’s my fort and I say no girls!” said Lewis. “I don’t even have ...
Joan Rivers dies in last season’s hospital gown
NEW YORK – Legendary comedian Joan Rivers has passed away today wearing a plain, cotton hospital gown that was “so last year,” according to the 81-year-old. “Plain white with polka dots? This fa...
Guitarist at bar knows audience is going to love his version of ‘Time of Your Life’
HAMILTON — This past Saturday an amateur musician attending an Open Mic Night at Dooney’s Pub was ready to blow the crowd away with his personal rendition of Green Day’s “Time ...
Canadian actors excited to meet real celebrities at TIFF
TORONTO – As the Toronto International Film Festival is set to get under way, Canadian stars are nervously awaiting their chance to finally meet real-life American celebrities. “I play poker eve...
Frosh week teaches new undergrads a higher level of groupthink
KINGSTON – Canadian institutions of higher learning are welcoming new frosh this week by teaching them the importance of conformity without critical evaluation at the postsecondary level. Thousa...
