VICTORIA – A Victoria arena’s policy has ruled that all hockey parents must be escorted by a responsible child at all times while they are on the premises. “We’ve had several instances where par...
CBC says Jeremy Clarkson would be allowed to punch anyone he wants
TORONTO – In an effort to attract more talent, the CBC has stated that embattled British television presenter Jeremy Clarkson, host of the hit show Top Gear, would be allowed to punch any of the...
Stephen Harper extends Canada’s arctic territory by peeing on North Pole
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that the United Nations has accepted his proposed extension to Canada’s arctic border after providing proof that he had urinated on the Nor...
New ‘Q’ host’s first interview will be all his former sexual partners
TORONTO – After announcing that hip hop artist Shad will be the new host for ‘Q’, the CBC has confirmed that his first interview will be every person with whom he has any sort of sexual history....
Harper defends women’s rights by telling them what to wear
OTTAWA – Canada’s Prime Minister and staunch women’s rights ally Stephen Harper is defending women’s rights by dictating what the can and cannot wear during citizenship ceremonies. “The niqab is...
‘Holocaust began with words’ claims minister defending large stack of words
OTTAWA – In a press conference on Tuesday, Public Safety Minister Steven Blaney claimed that “the Holocaust did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words,” in defense of Bill C-51, a document...
Tory MP assures Canadians that his racism is merely institutional
OTTAWA – Conservative MP John Williamson has reassured the public that his comments regarding temporary foreign workers did not reflect his own personal views and was merely expressing racism at...
Shithole town bans motherfucking swearing
TABER, AB – Some fucking shitheaded municipality in butt-fuck nowhere Alberta has passed a tightassed ban on motherfucking swearing. “We think this ban will make our youth more respectful,” said...
Comedy visionary dreamed of a world that made more sense to him
When starting a website that you want to become the premiere source of satire and comedy writing in a country, you need things. Money, business contacts, endorsements from prominent people. Laurent No...
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to comp...
