TORONTO –– After caps lock keys accepted buyouts in the CBC’s latest round of budget cuts, the public broadcaster announced on Wednesday that the radio show Q would henceforth be known as q. “we wante...
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Western Conference
The NHL’s Western Conference playoff action is about to heat up like a Maple Leafs player on a Florida golf course in mid-April. It’s part two of The Beaverton’s NHL Playoff Preview....
Update: Mike Duffy bills taxpayers for legal fees
OTTAWA – One week into his trial for financial misconduct, Conservative Senator Mike Duffy has attempted to bill his Senate expense account for legal fees. “I figured that this trial would have ...
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Eastern Conference
As teams gear up for the annual playoff battle and the Leafs gear up for their annual schvitz, its time for The Beaverton‘s experts to break down the match ups, rivalries and action that will un...
Brendan Shanahan fires himself
Toronto – Fresh off of a wave of firings including interim head coach Peter Horachek , GM Dave Nonis, and the entire front office, Toronto Maple Leafs President Brendan Shanahan entered a berser...
Yukon RCMP investigating why man assaulted by police officer wasn’t shot
WHITEHORSE – Yukon RCMP are investigating an incident caught on video showing one of their members inside a home assaulting a man and not shooting him. “This is a disturbing video,” said Sgt. Na...
Mike Holmes breaks into house to check if it has knob and tube wiring
TORONTO – Famous contractor and television host Mike Holmes has allegedly furthered his hatred of knob and tube wiring by forcing his way into a local residence to check out the electrical syste...
Republicans looking forward to using less racism, more sexism
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will be running for President of the United States of America, many Republicans are relieved that they will be able to st...
‘We told you so’ clean up underway in Vancouver’s English Bay
VANCOUVER – In what every Vancouver resident has said was an “utterly predictable eventuality,” one of the tankers that line English Bay has leaked tons of “we totally saw this...
Foreign friend keeps calling it ice hockey
EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession as “ic...
