PARIS – In a surprise press conference this morning, International Astronomical Union President Norio Kaifu announced that, unless funding goals were met within the next 24 hours, the body would move ...
Occasion to drink, do drugs marred by presence of music lovers
ATLIN, BC – In what should have been a fun, substance-fueled weekend for a group of young people has been ruined by well-behaved music lovers attending a weekend festival. Local youths were upse...
PAN AM UPDATE: CANADA WINS GREEN IN WATER HOCKEY
TORONTO – After a breathtaking match against Suriname, the Canadian water hockey team has surged to victory, claiming Canada’s first green ribbon in the 2015 Pan Am Games. “We went out there, we...
Saskatchewan man refuses to lower Confederate flag until someone explains what it means
Craven, Saskatchewan – After many were offended by the dozens of Confederate flags spotted at the Craven Country Jamboree, local man Erik Gibson has refused to remove his flag from his truck unt...
Starbucks to add coffee large enough for customers to climb inside, immerse selves, forget everything
SEATTLE – Starbucks has announced the addition of a new beverage size to the Starbucks menu, one that is large enough for customers to scale, climb inside, and forget everything happening in the...
Visa offers Greece another credit card, increased spending limit
ATHENS – After opening his mail early this morning, Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was surprised to discover he and 11 million other citizens were approved for another credit card and a €10...
New Conservative attack ads target each individual Canadian
OTTAWA – The Conservative government has announced plans to amp up their election advertisements by releasing 35 million new attack ads aimed at smearing each living Canadian. “Unfortunately, ou...
Pan Am games to hold all hurdling competitions on Highway 400 HOV lane
TORONTO – Less than 48 hours before opening ceremonies, the Pan Am games organizers have announced that the 110 and 400 metre hurdle events will be moved from the stadium at York University to t...
BC wildfires destroy world’s oldest grow-op
PORT ALBERNI – In a development that has many British Columbia residents shocked, a 82-year-old marijuana grow-operation, known affectionately to residents as ‘Old Wheezy’, was destroyed after fires s...
Nation waits for more Bill Cosbys to come forward before believing Bill Cosby rape accusations
HOLLYWOOD – Following the release of documents revealing that Bill Cosby himself admitted to obtaining prescription Quaaludes to have sex with women, a skeptical nation has resolved to give the ...
