Ontario PCs down 8% in polls after reminding voters they exist
TORONTO – The Ontario Provincial Conservative Party took an 8% dive in the polls after the recently concluded leadership contest reminded Ontarians it was still around. According to the lat…
All new mom wants for Mother’s Day is an IUD
TORONTO – New mother Megan Hill knows what she wants from her babies this mother’s day, and that’s the promise she will never have another baby ever again. “When I got pregnant with our twins Vio…
Khadr’s bail to be set at sorry-we-stole-your-childhood-if-you-join-ISIS-everyone-will-understand
EDMONTON — After thirteen years of detention, Omar Khadr was released on bail on Tuesday after all parties agreed to allow him to become a member of ISIS should he feel so inclined. “Frankly afte…
Ontario schoolchildren: “Our parents aren’t mature enough for us to learn about sex”
TORONTO – Elementary school students across Ontario have begun to protest the province’s updated health and physical education curriculum, expressing concern that their parents aren’t “mentally d…
Victorious NDP dump barrel of crude on Rachel Notley
CALGARY – NDP staffers gathered around the newly elected Alberta NDP premiere Rachel Notley to celebrate her momentous underdog victory by pouring a barrel of fine crude over her head. “We fought…
Bill, Roy, and Chad concede defeat as Dale elected new premier of PEI
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – After a gruelling campaign that led candidates from the dock all the way to the old barn, Bill, Roy, and Chad have called it quits, and Dale has been elected Premier of…
Students forced to stay home over Ontario sex ed curriculum pass time sexting
TORONTO – Students held back from school Monday by parents protesting the proposed sex ed curriculum report they managed to make good use of their free time by snapping full frontal nudes and sen…
Harry Potter themed wedding begins with murder of groom’s parents
FREDERICTON – The themed wedding of Jane Danson and Peter Hartford, set in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, was reported to be “beautiful” and “heartwarming” despite the ceremony commen…
Kentucky Derby won by brown horsey
LOUISVILLE – The 2015 Kentucky Derby has been won by a handsome pony with a beautiful mane and soft, shiny coat. “It was magical,” said NBC analyst Randy Moss. “The horsey was so fast and f…
Kate Middleton immediately pregnant again
LONDON – Fans of the Royal Family across the Commonwealth rejoiced this afternoon as Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, announced she was once again pregnant, just hours after the birth …
