Pope recognizes Instagramming meal with “#blessed” acceptable form of saying grace
VATICAN CITY — Cool, social media-savvy Pope Francis (@Pontifex) has declared that uploading a picture of your meal to Instagram with the caption “#blessed” is now recognized by…
Latest CSI spinoff to focus on the killers hiding under your bed, Gary
LOS ANGELES — Television crime drama titan, the CSI franchise, is adding a new spinoff to its roster: CSI: Gary. CSI creator Anthony E. Zuiker and CSI: Cyber co-creator Carol Mendelsohn exp…
Veteran denied disability claim after displaying symptoms of phantom limb
GRAND PRAIRIE, AB – A former Canadian soldier who lost his left arm in combat in Afghanistan has been told he will no longer be eligible for disability benefits due to the fact that he is sufferi…
10 ways to show everyone you’re over your recent breakup
Are you trying to show everybody you’re totally over your previous relationship? Here are some tips: 1. Write a listicle for an online women’s magazine about the top ten ways to know …
ISIS militants unwind by destroying charming little brunch place
SYRIA – After nearly three weeks straight of destroying artwork, murdering innocent civilians, and unlawfully annexing territory, ISIS soldiers Dafiq al-Adnani and Labid al-Tikriti relaxed …
Degrassi School condemned following 35 years of student-related tragedy
TORONTO – Following 35 years of unplanned pregnancies, drunk driving, stabbings, suicides, gonorrhea outbreaks, and one student dropping acid and then falling off a bridge and suffering per…
F1: Montreal’s biggest speed-typing competition returns
MONTREAL — Old Montreal hotels are currently adorned with the flags of Boggle, Scrabble, and Apples to Apples announcing the return of the F1 – Keyboard Championship and the 18th annual QWE…
Canadians caught stealing American Netflix to be punished with 3-year Bell contract
OTTAWA — At the Canadian Telecom Summit on Friday, the CRTC announced new laws that will punish Canadians illegally accessing American Netflix with a restrictive 3-year Bell TV+Internet+Hom…
Jeopardy contestant refuses to answer questions about Canadian geography, chants “U.S.A., U.S.A, U.S.A.!”
BURBANK, CA – When faced with a category of questions about Canadian geography, an American contestant on a recent episode of Jeopardy refused to provide any answers, instead choosing to lo…
Montreal pretends to be Europe again for F1 weekend
MONTREAL – With the Montreal Grand Prix F1 race back in the city from June 5-8, Montreal is once more pretending to be a European metropolis, kicking off ‘MontEurol Weekend.’ “It is a great…
