Here’s an infographic that explains the relationship between how much money a person has versus how good their dog is....
Queen Victoria celebrates birthday by getting wasted at cottage
POINTE-AU-BARIL, ON – In honour of her 197th birthday, Queen Victoria of England is celebrating the long weekend the way many of her Canadian colonists are, by getting completely shit-faced at s...
Trudeau’s attempt to start Parliamentary Fight Club backfires
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau admitted this morning that yesterday’s effort to finally get the House of Commons Fight Club started was a poor choice on his part. “I just thought that at the end of a l...
Patio season convinces Ottawa woman she doesn’t live in desolate arctic hellscape 90% of year
OTTAWA – As local residents welcome patio season, Sana Khan, a thirty-two year old public servant, appears to be struck with a severe case of amnesia, tragically unable to recall that she lives...
Entire NDP caucus arrive in neck braces, wheelchairs to House of Commons after Trudeau’s assault
OTTAWA – All 44 members of the NDP caucus arrived in Parliament this morning wearing neck braces, arm slings, head bandages, and seated in wheelchairs after yesterday’s physical altercation with...
Bison named US national mammal, narrowly beating out Texas-style BBQ bison
CHARLOTTE, NC – The bison, with its majestic dignity and great historical significance, was chosen as America’s national mammal last Friday, beating out a close runner-up and popular favourite, ...
Local neighbour begins extremely loud, unskilled renovations
Fort Nelson, BC – Next-door neighbour Dale Glover’s disruptive springtime renovation season is already off to a roaring start. “I can finally get back to work on that structurally unsound balcon...
Sanders staying in race just to keep 20-year-old college student inspired
Burlington, Vermont – Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders is remaining in the Democratic Primary race despite the little chance he has at winning so he can continue to inspire a bright-eyed coll...
Orphan Black fans successfully clone Tatiana Maslany
TORONTO – Scientists at the Orphan Black Fan Institute say they have successfully cloned a human being, actress Tatiana Maslany, star of the cult sci-fi series, Orphan Black. “If the show has ta...
Raptors fan seeks therapy to help cope with success
TORONTO, ON – Long time Raptors fan Dave Burkle admits to suffering unusual amounts of stress and anxiety during the Raptors historic playoff run. “I feel like I lost 3 months off my life,” said Dave ...
