Bieber continues to rebrand with 700-page treatise on postcolonial theory

As part of the ongoing rehabilitation of his image as a person and performer, Justin Bieber has written and published a monumental new work describing and suggesting remedies for the residual eff…

Yukon sues Bombardier over faulty dog-sled mass transit system

WHITEHORSE – Following a series of failures, months of delays and technical problems, the city of Whitehorse is suing Bombardier over its new dogsled-based public transit system. Transportation M…

Richard Dawkins insists his empty birthday party just proof God does not exist

LONDON – Seated alone in a TGI Fridays Bar and Grill, at an extra-large table which he himself reserved, Richard Dawkins smugly asserted that this sad tableau never would have been allowed …

Camera-savvy friend explains every goddamn button

VANCOUVER – After having expressed mild excitement about the purchase of a new camera to a friend who once took a photography course, local woman Tiffany Tsu has been forced to endure a tut…

NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears

WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…

Here’s how I would have ruined The Force Awakens

BY: GEORGE LUCAS Over the decades, fans have come to expect a certain standard from me; now as the torch is passed on to a new generation of fans (and filmmakers), it’s disappointing to see funda…

Every major news outlet asking why rest of media hasn’t called Oregon militia ‘terrorists’

TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,…

TTC uses fare hike to fund new service outage announcement system

TORONTO – In a press conference yesterday, the Toronto Transit Commission announced that thanks to funds raised by recently announced fare hikes, the transit system would be launching a bra…

6-year-old placed on travel security list for radical beliefs in Santa Claus

Canadian born 6-year-old Syed Adam Ahmed has been placed on a travel security risk list following the revelation of his radical beliefs in Santa Claus. Markham resident Ahmed was labelled DHP, or…

No you come out of the supply closet

By: Darryl Bowden I’m getting real sick of this. Every time I go into the supply closet at work, everyone expects that I’m going to come out within the hour. But I’m not. Why? B…