The Beaverton begins our coverage of the presidential inauguration....
Appearance at Trump inauguration completes Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to total asshole
LOS ANGELES – Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announced this week that she will appear at President-elect Donald Trump’s January 20th inauguration ceremony, completing her highly publicized transition ...
Kathleen Wynne gesturing with both hands again
TORONTO – In a recent public appearance, Kathleen Wynne did that thing where she gestures with both hands again. “Oh yup, there she goes,” said local woman Jane Green. “That’s her gesture that s...
Winnipeg Jets-San Jose Sharks rivalry heats up over a girl named Maria
SAN JOSE- The San Jose Sharks-Winnipeg Jets rivalry has hit a fever pitch after the Jets’ Mark Scheifele accidentally fell in love with Maria Burns – the enchanting sister of Sharks’ Brent Burns. Burn...
Health Canada concerned about possible outbreak of white men wearing shorts in winter
White guys wearing shorts in winter, is it an epidemic? Catch this week’s new episode of The Beaverton at 10pm EST, Wednesday on The Comedy Network....
Local cuck happily married
WINNIPEG – Despite reports confirming that local librarian Richard Gordon is a complete beta cuck, further evidence has recently emerged that he is in a happy and healthy marriage of several yea...
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Canadians learn About Gandhi and serial killer Gilles de Rais, and the results will shock you! #BeavFeed...
Nation pats itself on the back for only being pretty racist
CANADA – In the lead-up to the inauguration of an openly xenophobic US president, Canada is taking a moment to quietly congratulate itself on only being very racist. “Obviously, we’re not as bad...
Trudeau returns from island vacay with souvenir ethics investigation
OTTAWA – A well-rested and freshly dreamy Prime Minister Trudeau returned from an island vacation in the Bahamas Monday with that “new controversy smell” after purchasing an ethics investigation...
Trump cements job creator status by booking Three Doors Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States president-elect Donald Trump delivered this week on his campaign promise to put unemployed Americans back to work by hiring the country’s single least-employable citiz...
