SAG Strike ends, forcing actors to abandon nearly-complete Middle East peace plan
HOLLYWOOD – With news that the SAG-AFTRA and Hollywood studios have reached an agreement that will end the months-long entertainment industry strike, reports indicate that a return to work …
Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”
VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in …
Right-wing, authoritarian broadcaster known for polarizing comments to meet with Tucker Carlson
CALGARY – Criticism is brewing over the baffling choice to invite a right-wing demagogue and prominent anti-vaxxer to meet with Tucker Carlson. “I’m all for free speech,” said Alberta nativ…
Homeowner humble brags he needs arborist
VANCOUVER BC – Everyday millionaire and homeowner, Jason Crumps, spent the day humble bragging about how he needs to find an arborist. When the branches of a tree started to scratch at his …
Woman takes gap year to backpack through The Bay
MONTREAL – At 7:42 PM on Tuesday, McGill University student, Kathleen Beauce, sent an email to her friends, family, and favorite professors detailing her plans to take a year off school to …
Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire
EDMONTON – Sources from deep within the Robertson household on bath night have confirmed that two year old toddler Sophie has been spotted insatiably devouring cup after cup of bathwater in a hed…
You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?
By Justin Holl Well well well, look how quickly that shit fucking changed didn’t it you platinum seat suit wearing fucks? For the past 3 years all I’ve heard from you Wendel Clark lov…
Disney defends use of AI, “We can’t freeze everyone’s head”
BURBANK, CA – The Walt Disney Corporation has spoken out in support of AI programs that might supplant actors and writers, stating that it could save them from the unmanageable expense of c…
Greedy, overpaid teacher takes second greedy, overpaid job at grocery store
No Frills, Ontario – Wealth-hoarding public school teachers across the province are starting to take second jobs after complaining that the hundreds of dollars they make per year isn’t enou…
Anti-LGBTQ+ protestors warn exposing kids to queer content will lead to uptick in Dan Levy gifs
OTTAWA – In the midst of Canada-wide protests from anti-LGBTQ+ hate groups, protestors warn that teaching inclusive curriculums will increase the volume of online reaction gifs featuring si…
