Local fly is certain THIS window is the way out
LIVING ROOM – A local fly is convinced that after numerous false starts and window collisions, he’s finally figured out how to get back outside. “I’m feeling really good about this window,”…
Top 5 CNE attractions they paid us to write about so you’ll ignore their labour dispute
Let’s go to the Ex! The CNE is back in Toronto until September 3. And what would summer be without the outrageous food and classic rides? Sure there is a massive labour dispute where 400 stagehan…
In wake of sex abuse report, Catholic priests relieved God not actually real
PHILADELPHIA — Following a Pennsylvania grand jury report which detailed decades of sexual abuses by priests and cover-ups by bishops, the world’s Catholic priests are expressing relief tha…
Far-right groups demand removal of Sir John A statues down after learning he was an immigrant
MONTREAL – Far-right wing groups are calling for the immediate removal of any statues, busts, or dedications to Canada’s first Prime Minister after learning that he was born in Scotland. Ma…
Federal government thank wildfires for clearing path for Trans Mountain pipeline
KAMLOOPS, BC – The federal government is celebrating an unexpected windfall as it has discovered that the wildfires ravaging British Columbia have coincidentally cleared the path for the Tr…
Quantum scientists discover that the more hair elastics you buy, the fewer you have access to
GENEVA – If you’ve ever wondered why, no matter how many you buy, you can never find a hair elastic when you need one, the scientists at CERN have finally discovered the problem: the act of…
New fitness trend: Making it out of a forest alive
HUNTSVILLE, ON – In the midst of ‘high intensity’ workout trends, there’s a new fitness program that aims to get people out into nature and hitting their fitness targets. “Survival Paleo” …
Francophone politician slams Canada’s diversity for not assimilating his culture
OTTAWA – Conservative MP and former party leadership contender Maxime Bernier recently accused the Trudeau government of practicing “extremist multiculturalism” by not assimilating him into…
Couple enjoys romantic picnic dead centre of park’s off-leash area
Oshawa, ON – Sid and Sandy Jackson got their fifth wedding anniversary off to a charming start by having a celebratory picnic right in the middle of the off leash dog area of Lakefront West…
Financial planner recommends having more money
HALIFAX – Financial planner Marlene Singh has earnestly told her clients that, in order to be financially secure, they should have a lot more money. “In my professional opinion, I can not s…
