Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now
UGH. Just when you wanted some relief from that tacky tourist clock Vancouverites love to hate, the timepiece has taken up vaping so it can be even more unbearable. It seems like this young, impr…
Improved mall map tells visitors how to just get to the goddamned Cinnabon
BURLINGTON – Visitors to an Ontario mall are raving about the newly implemented map system which clearly and concisely communicates to visitors how to just get to the freakin’ Cinnabon already. “…
Report: Ford tried to obtain neuralyzer to make people forget past year
TORONTO – A recent Freedom of Information request has revealed Ontario Premier Doug Ford has attempted to obtain a neuralyzer like the one featured in the Men in Black film series. Accordin…
Conservatives drop private school tax deduction after realizing higher enrollment might lead to poors mixing with the quality
OTTAWA – As the federal election looms, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer has gone back on his promise to give a $4000 tax credit to offset the costs of private school tuition after wealthy…
America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide
NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, America’s billionaire creeps were left uncertain which of their many hired fi…
Fox News punishes Tucker Carlson with all-inclusive vacation
NEW YORK – After claiming that the white supremacy problem in America is a “hoax,” Fox News host Tucker Carlson was severely reprimanded by the network with an all-expenses paid vacation to…
Majority of Canadians support country’s separation from Jason Kenney
EDMONTON – A new poll suggests that a majority of Canadians support Canada making a clean break from Alberta Premier Jason Kenney. If a referendum were held today, 92% of Canadians would sa…
Doug Ford to privatize birds
TORONTO — This week, Premier Doug Ford announced a bold plan to privatize birds in the province of Ontario. “We’ve been wasting money on public birds for too long,” said Ford. “We simply ca…
Study shows that most fathers simply long to be given the beat, boys
CLEVELAND, OH – After a comprehensive four decade long study, scientists at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s research wing have conclusively determined that most fathers value being given…
Canadian lectures American on how only 17 people were shot in Toronto over the weekend
TORONTO – In an effort to demonstrate Canada’s superior gun laws and protection of its citizens, local man Jared Wilson chided his American friend for not having smaller scale mass shooting…
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