EDMONTON – Eight-year-old Mason Wright and seven-year-old Olivia Glass have been busy playing house all afternoon by pretending to have their hearts set on a property, only for Mason’s imaginary frien...
“As we know, I invented Twitter” claims Elon Musk three months from now
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future is cur...
Businesses experiencing ‘just average’ call volume for the first time since 2020
VICTORIA, BC – After claiming to be experiencing higher than average call volume for a suspiciously long period of time during COVID-19, businesses are now reporting daily customer calls have dropped ...
Marc Dalton & Scott Aitchison latest conservative leadership candidates we can’t tell apart
OTTAWA – Doppelgangers Marc Dalton and Scott Aitchison recently entered the already crowded Conservative party leadership race, prompting frantic Canadian reporters to wonder how they would ever...
COVID enters 6th wave despite clearly running out of ideas by Wave 3
OTTAWA — The Public Health Agency of Canada confirmed today that the country is now in the 6th wave of the COVID-19 pandemic signaled by the all too familiar pattern of climbing case numbers. While Wa...
Gilbert Gottfried joins Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald for Comedy Central Roast of God
HEAVEN – With news breaking that Gilbert Gottfried has passed away, Heaven has announced the beloved comedian has joined his departed friends Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald in the Comedy Central R...
Review: Season two of Bridgerton needed more boinking
Burlington, ON – Season two of Bridgerton is out and the reviews are in: there’s not enough nudity and not nearly enough sex. Instead, all viewers got was a stupid story about sacrifice and love again...
Sleeping cat literally has no idea how clue how close it is to nuclear annihilation
LUNENBURG, NS – Despite tensions increasing across the globe as Russian president Vladimir Putin again promised swift retaliation and total nuclear annihilation should NATO forces intervene in U...
Ford calls 50 cent minimum wage hike “a little reward” for workers who survived covid
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced this week that the provincial minimum wage will be going up by $0.50 this fall, which he described as a “tasty little treat” for all those work...
Work from home commute delayed by three dog pileup
CALGARY – Traffic reports from the Morley household indicate that a massive three dog pileup is delaying multiple household commutes. “There’s fur everywhere, and you can still hear barking,” one repo...
