OTTAWA – Newly-elected Speaker of the House Greg Fergus has moved quickly to correct the errors made by his predecessor by taking the brave step of immediately canceling all planned events in which Ca...
Blue Jays admit the only reason they made playoffs was so bigger audience could experience frustration of watching them
MINNESOTA – After a 3-1 loss to the Twins to start their 2023 Playoff campaign, members of the Toronto Blue Jays have come forward and acknowledged that they only worked hard enough to make the ...
In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them
THE SKY – Air Canada has recently released an update to their on-board safety procedures where, in the event of a cabin pressure change, they’re now instructing passengers to 360 roundhouse kick...
PCs remind Manitobans no one can see you jerk off in the voting booth
WINNIPEG – Following a last-minute campaign ad urging constituents to “vote like no one is watching” and ignore the fear of moral judgement for casting their vote a certain way, Manitoba PCs are attem...
“Parents’ Rights” protestors describe what they think is being taught in schools
As Conservative parents continue to accuse public schools and teachers of “sexualizing kids”, “grooming kids”, “transing kids” and doing other verbs to kids, we sat...
Liberals support gender affirming surgery provided trans people can find a doctor
OTTAWA – After the Conservative Party Convention passed resolutions seeking to limit transgender healthcare, the Liberal Party proudly restated their support for gender affirming surgery so long...
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Another NHL season is almost upon us, but if you can’t wait to see your team play – or if you’re desperate for money – the preseason can give you your fix. Some people say preseason hockey is boring, ...
Struggling Canadian Military recruits Neighbour Kid with Supersoaker
OTTAWA – The federal government announced plans this week to upgrade their dated military by hiring the most powerful weapon they can think of: an eight-year-old with a water gun. “For years, our dedi...
Scott Moe: If Saskatchewan children wanted rights, they should’ve voted for someone else
REGINA – As part of his larger effort to teach all children (but especially trans children) that his government does not consider them human, Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has promised to use t...
Single-serve coffee maker produces exactly the right amount for ⅙ of a person
LONDON, ON ― 22-year-old Dorian Bishop, a fourth-year medical student at Western University, reports that the single-serve coffee maker he recently purchased is falling far short of expectations. “My ...
