TORONTO – Sources inside O’Leary Funds say that their CEO has successfully gained controlling ownership of Timothy and Caroline Gowan’s lemonade stand in Toronto’s west end. “Now that we control the b...
Blackberry execs consider taking out the battery and putting it back in
WATERLOO – With market share rapidly diminishing and the latest Blackberry 10 phones not performing as expected, Blackberry President and CEO Thorsten Heins announced that the company was consid...
Putin petitions IOC to have rainbow colours removed from Olympic symbol
MOSCOW – Following the passage of a controversial anti-gay bill in Russia, President Vladimir Putin is now attempting to remove all rainbow colours from the Olympic symbol in preparation for the...
Leonard Cohen set to record cover version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah
MONTREAL – Leonard Cohen announced today his intention to add his name to the already impressive list of artists who have recorded their take on Leonard Cohen’s seminal 1984 religious rock...
After giving up mining asbestos, town takes up tobacco farming
Asbestos, PQ – After years of mining asbestos, the small town that bears its name will close its last mine and take up growing tobacco instead. The town had received intense national and international...
Researchers discover remote Amazonian tribe that still uses Palm Pilots
BRAZIL-COLOMBIAN BORDER – A group of anthropologists has returned from the Amazon rainforest with the shocking news that they have discovered a previously unknown tribe that uses Palm Pilots. Mi...
Ezra Levant upset government will not subsidize his rants against government subsidies
TORONTO – Sun News media commentator and conservative activist Ezra Levant is disappointed that his regular editorials against government funding various programs and services will not be subsid...
Skipping vinyl record becomes accidental dubstep hit
MONTREAL – Electromania at Club Soda has produced the latest number one hit single courtesy of a skipping vinyl record. DJ Dangerzone was mixing last week when ‘Vox Humana’ by Kenny Loggins bega...
Israel and Palestine ready to begin undermining new round of peace talks
WASHINGTON D.C. – Three years after the previous talks collapsed, the governments of Israel and Palestine will begin a new round of direct talks in the hopes of achieving new and likely insurmou...
Chris Brown quits music industry to escape abusive relationship with media
LOS ANGELES – R&B singer Chris Brown has announced that, following the release of his album “X”, he will retire from the music industry after facing what he described as a “steady, unrelenti...
