WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has officially signed an executive order establishing seven new American states which have all coincidentally pledged their electoral votes to him. “I’m ver…
Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest
MIAMI – Amid spiking COVID-19 figures in the United States, experts have determined that the source of a recent outbreak was a Coronavirus eating contest from two weeks ago. “We suspect that Chuc…
Beloved condo development torn down to make way for new condo development
TORONTO – Toronto city planners have announced that a long-cherished condominium development in the heart of downtown Toronto will soon be paved to make way for yet another new condo development.…
Scientists reluctantly admit they don’t know how birds have sex either
VICTORIA – Leading bird scientists worldwide have released a joint statement out of the International Ornithological Society confirming a long-standing weakness in their field of study: none of t…
Quebec completes construction of 90-foot-tall Bonhomme the Redeemer statue
QUEBEC CITY – Contractors working for the province have officially confirmed substantial completion on the landmark, 38 metre tall statue of Bonhomme Carnaval, overlooking all of Quebec City. The…
Search and rescue for matching Tupperware lid in kitchen drawer enters 5th hour
EDMONTON – Authorities have confirmed that a search and rescue operation for a lid to match the Tupperware container sitting on the kitchen counter of a local homeowner has now passed the four-ho…
Washington Redskins to change name to Cleveland Indians
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following intense pressure from multiple groups and the public at large, the Washington Redskins have proudly announced that they will be officially changing their team name to …
Doug Ford announces he couldn’t participate in online Pride since he was already logged onto a virtual cottage
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford explained to his constituents Monday that he was not able to participate in the online Pride Parade this weekend since he had pre-existing plans to log onto a …
Trump Hotels to change name after revelation founder had history of racism
NEW YORK CITY – Trump Hotels, a luxury line of hotel accommodations across the United States, has announced that they will be immediately rebranding after stunning revelations that the chain is n…
Health Canada orders all people to wear full-body costumes from the Masked Singer when out in public
OTTAWA – In the midst of many provinces reopening parts of their cities during the COVID-19 pandemic, federal health officials have mandated that anyone attending a public business must wear an e…