WASHINGTON D.C. – In what may be the final batch of pardons issued by the president before the end of his term, Donald Trump has announced that COVID-19 will receive a full and complete pardon fo…
“2020 strikes again!” says man undergoing long overdue divorce
HAMILTON – After years of percolating marital tension and resentment, Michael Toredo has proclaimed that the recent dissolution of his marriage is just another victim of the dreaded year 2020. “Y…
Dr. Oetker has medical licence revoked
BERLIN – The German Medical Association has announced the immediate and unanimous revocation of the license to practice medicine of Dr. Oetker. “This has been many years coming. We find it shocki…
Trump supporters upset President never shot man on Fifth Avenue like he promised he would
UNITED STATES – Diehard supporters of President Donald Trump are expressing their dismay at the realization that he may never shoot a man in cold blood on Fifth Avenue like he swore he would do. …
Donald Trump announces creation of seven new states, all of whom voted for him
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has officially signed an executive order establishing seven new American states which have all coincidentally pledged their electoral votes to him. “I’m ver…
Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest
MIAMI – Amid spiking COVID-19 figures in the United States, experts have determined that the source of a recent outbreak was a Coronavirus eating contest from two weeks ago. “We suspect that Chuc…
Beloved condo development torn down to make way for new condo development
TORONTO – Toronto city planners have announced that a long-cherished condominium development in the heart of downtown Toronto will soon be paved to make way for yet another new condo development.…
Scientists reluctantly admit they don’t know how birds have sex either
VICTORIA – Leading bird scientists worldwide have released a joint statement out of the International Ornithological Society confirming a long-standing weakness in their field of study: none of t…
Quebec completes construction of 90-foot-tall Bonhomme the Redeemer statue
QUEBEC CITY – Contractors working for the province have officially confirmed substantial completion on the landmark, 38 metre tall statue of Bonhomme Carnaval, overlooking all of Quebec City. The…
Search and rescue for matching Tupperware lid in kitchen drawer enters 5th hour
EDMONTON – Authorities have confirmed that a search and rescue operation for a lid to match the Tupperware container sitting on the kitchen counter of a local homeowner has now passed the four-ho…
