WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening.
Trump told a group of supporters that, if it weren’t for his heroic actions — simultaneously carried out in four different locations — more than 3,000 people would be dead.
“I remember it so well because it was the day before Christmas,” said the president after being asked a question about the national debt. “I was on American Airlines Flight 11, which would have ploughed into the North Tower had it not been for me taking on the terrorists with my own bare hands.”
“Of course, the nasty media never reported on it,” Trump added, standing behind a podium banner that proclaimed, “You’re Welcome.”
Trump detailed a harrowing tale involving a cowardly Joe Biden, who supposedly wanted the terrorists to win, as well as a physical re-enactment that closely resembled the climactic scene of the 1997 action thriller Air Force One.
“‘Get off my plane!’ I told him, and I kicked him out of the cargo bay,” Trump added.
Trump explained that, once he took the controls and landed all four Boeing airliners, he was carried off like a hero by firefighters and thanked by everyone.
At press time, Trump also claimed that he had shot down seven Japanese planes at Pearl Harbour.
