The Hague, Netherlands – The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and former Defence Minister Yoav Gallant in a clear demonstration of its bias against people who organize the mass slaughter of thousands upon thousands of innocent civilians.
“Today’s ruling is an affront to the notions of justice and international law,” said Netanyahu in a statement. “The court has abandoned its important mission in order to persecute people who just happen to have indiscriminately bombed hospitals and/or denied aid to a starving population that they themselves are starving.”
“If the court wanted to remain impartial, they would have also issued warrants for people who didn’t murder a 6-year-old’s entire family, then killed the paramedics sent to rescue her, and then killed her.”
The ICC has denied any allegations of bias. But that hasn’t stopped Netanyahu supporters from noticing that the court has a long history of arresting people who have committed genocide, and almost no history of arresting people who haven’t.
“If this is allowed to stand, no one will be safe,” said State Department spokesperson Matthew Miller. “Every government official, whether they’ve illegally annexed portions of the West Bank, invaded Southern Lebanon or murdered World Central Kitchen workers will be at risk.”
“And what if the court goes even further? What if it starts prosecuting the governments that arm and support countries committing such atrocities? Think how terrible that would be.”
At press time the Biden administration had sent Israel a number of ICBMs to “defend themselves” against the ICC.
