EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith responded to criticism over her use of the Sovereignty Act to try to disqualify federal clean energy regulations that aren’t in place yet by saying she consulted with the provinces Precogs and they assured her the regulations will be unconstitutional.
“The system is very scientific,” said Smith. “Every time a new piece of legislation or regulation is being contemplated at the federal level the Precogs are placed in a milky white pool to amplify their visions of what will transpire. If the action is constitutional a brown ball will roll out to me as I operate the touch screens displaying their vision. This time it was a red ball and that means it will be unconstitutional.”
“I’m just following the will of the voters and the 3 mutant oracles who have been cursed with the gift of legislative specific sight.”
Smith would not divulge where the Precogs came from or why they are in provincial government custody. When asked where their powers came from she would only say “the benefits of Alberta’s oil sands continue to amaze.”
The ethics of pre-declaring a law unconstitutional due to some blurred images and a stream of consciousness described by a man in a milk pool are questionable according to Constitutional scholars. But probably only as absurd as the idea of the Sovereignty Act itself.
“We are confident that the courts will uphold Alberta’s defense of it’s constitutional authority over the energy sector AND the well-trod metaphor for how the pursuit of justice ends up perverting it in a dystopian future industry,” said Smith.
Unfortunately for Smith before she could reveal her plans further the Precogs had another vision, this time of Smith herself passing unconstitutional legislation. So Smith was forced to go into hiding to avoid capture.
