QUEBEC CITY – Career politician Pierre Poilievre, excited a handful of members of a captive audience with an impromptu in-flight announcement as though he were a member of the flight crew, which is as close to having a real world job as he has ever been.
“Who’s ready for more slogans from me?” intoned Poilievre over the airplane PA to a smattering of applause. “Who’s ready for a bag of peanuts? Who’s ready to put their seat in an upright position?”
“He captivated me with his squinty-eyed gaze and nasal delivery,” said passenger Lisa Barnet, a Conservative delegate whose job is dependent upon supporting Poilievre. “When he talked about common sense, I didn’t think about the Mike Harris disaster in Ontario. I thought about Euro-centric dog whistles.”
“I really liked the part where he talked about housing,” said delegate Bill Davidson. “He knows a lot about getting extra houses from the government, like the one he lives in on the taxpayer dime.”
After doing a real job for five-ish minutes Poilievre collapsed in exhaustion and demanded his staff bring him a Fresca.
Poilievre, whose non-governmental CV is thinner than his veneer of empathy for voters, is popular among people who work hard every day to put money into a pension that won’t support them in old age – despite the fact that he qualified for a parliamentary pension at age 32. However, he is used to being a living contradiction as the married father of two gives off heavy incel energy.
In related flight news, Prime Minister Trudeau’s office is denying that his flight back from India was delayed because of his in-flight performance of “beatbox Bhangra” over the airplane PA.
