WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise revelation, Donald Trump announced that he is looking forward to meeting a former Canadian Prime Minister, which he repeatedly referred to as “Canada Pence”.
“Tremendous guy. He’s definitely from Canada, or Alaska”, said the President at an impromptu press conference on the White House lawn.” Trump went on to say how much he enjoyed “Canada Pence”, remarking, “I love the guy. He looks just like Real Pence. The two could be sisters.”
When pressed about what the visit would be concerning, Trump stated that it would cover many issues like NAFTA, the border, and getting video of the two men locking lips. “I think it would be funny, you know, cause they’re like the same guy.” Trump stated multiple times that his intention for the two politicians to have an intimate embrace would be the most important issue at hand, “People are saying I can’t make it happen, but they said I couldn’t meet Kim Jong Un and that happened. Just think about these two, with their plastic old guy haircuts, kissing each other. I know I want to see it and more importantly, get it on video.”
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made a formal response to the announcement from Ottawa shortly after Trump’s press conference. “I think as a Nation we can all agree that there are similarities between the two men but that Canada Pence has distinctly Canadian differences that make him more than a carbon copy of Real Pence. For instance he calls his wife ma Meré.”
Reached for comment, Canada Pence responded, “it just feels good to be once again acting unilaterally against the will of the majority of Canadians.”
The White House has already begun prepping for the visit, ensuring that Canada Pence feel as comfortable as possible by passing the Travel Ban restricting Muslims from immigrating to the US and staffing Trump’s cabinet with predominately white rich men.
