OTTAWA – Cyclists across the country expressed their deepest apologies today after learning that they weren’t actually allowed to run every red light and stop sign they come across.
“We had no idea we were supposed to stop,” said Canadian Cycling Association President Xander Tremblay. “Apparently someone was supposed to read the Highway Traffic Act and report back 40 years ago but they forgot.”
“This explains why you all get so mad at us all the time.”
Cyclists whizzing through stop signs and red lights even as drivers and pedestrians around them scream and honk at them has become a regular feature of modern life. But until today no one could explain why the cyclists doing it always have a blank stare completely free of any guilt or remorse for their actions.
“We thought we existed in a legal loophole. Not pedestrians or cars and therefore not subject to the laws governing either. Sure we knew what we were doing was incredibly dangerous, we just didn’t think it was illegal,” added Xander.
The Association is already planning education campaigns to teach cyclists how to obey the new to them rules of the road.
“So I just sit here and wait for the stupid light to change?” said incredulous trainee Matthew Gulliver. “But I don’t want to! I can go if I’m in a big rush though right? No?! Jesus Christ.”
Unfortunately the Cycling Association Press Conference ended prematurely when a BMW driver crashed into the building and parked directly on the cyclist’s podiums, injuring several. The driver then got out, locked his car and walked away without looking back.
