SASKATOON – After years of criticism regarding his controversial approach to mental health, family physician Russell Wendt has lost his medical license for continually suggesting that depressed patients can solve all their problems with one night spent watching a clown.
“I went into his office and poured my heart out about how I was struggling to find meaning in my life, and he tells me to go watch a man take coconut cream pies to the face,” said one anonymous patient. “God knows what he would have recommended if I’d had a proctology issue.”
Dozens of patients have spoken against Wendt, who appeared to only offer this advice when one specific clown was performing locally. An investigation is still ongoing as to whether the doctor and the clown had a kickback agreement.
“Dr. Wendt gave me an antidepressant prescription, some practical advice, and the name of a thoughtful therapist, so I happily referred my friend to Wendt after she lost her spouse. The next thing I know the circus is in town and she’s screaming at me for sending her to a quack,” read one piece of testimony. “We haven’t spoken since, like it’s my fault she never told me her husband was killed in a trapeze catastrophe.”
“I maintain that that clown is fucking hilarious,” Wendt said in a statement addressing the loss of his medical license. “You know what they say about laughter: it’s way better than actual medicine.”
Other former patients complained that Wendt was out-of-touch with both economic realities and modern comedic tastes. “I struggled with depression after losing my job,” said another complainant. “Does he even know how much circus tickets cost? And then after I somehow scraped up the money the bozo mostly just made a bunch of shitty balloon animals. Jesus Christ, it was weiner dog city.”