KINGSTON, ON – Local man Mitch Thompson insists that his meticulously curated collection of back-of-the-head selfies has, in fact, nothing to do with any alleged thinning around the crown a…
Tag: hair
Neat! Phone turned “am I going bald?” pics into a TikTok
CALGARY — Local man Archie Nordheim is pleased to have discovered that his smartphone automatically turned a bunch of photos he took of his balding head into a TikTok. “I love the way my phone us…
Health Canada draws attention to overlooked bivalent COVID vaccine by taking off its glasses and giving it bangs
OTTAWA – Officials at Health Canada have come up with a new strategy to drum up attention for the new bivalent COVID vaccine – by taking off its glasses and some chic bangs. “I know t…
“Did a thing!” posts white woman who has either cut her hair or invaded the nation of Kosovo
WINNIPEG – Friends and family of Jennifer Higgens reacted with trepidation after the 32-year-old tweeted that she “did a thing” this past Saturday afternoon, unsure if their loved one had e…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
Saskatchewan reopens just as local woman finishes disastrous DIY haircut
SASKATOON – The government of Saskatchewan declared the province officially reopened for business today, moments after resident Ilana Shaw finished giving herself the worst haircut of all t…
Doug Ford extends quarantine after learning how long it takes to grow out bangs
TORONTO – Having announced a two-week-long state of emergency roughly two weeks ago, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province-wide order would be extended after he learned how …
Sweater mostly cat hair at this point
MONTAGUE, PEI – Sporting her favourite sweater for a weekend gathering, friends of local woman Theresa McCallum, 34, revealed today that the black turtleneck she was wearing was undeniably …
Quantum scientists discover that the more hair elastics you buy, the fewer you have access to
GENEVA – If you’ve ever wondered why, no matter how many you buy, you can never find a hair elastic when you need one, the scientists at CERN have finally discovered the problem: the act of…
Friend has more body hair than expected
CALGARY – Reports coming from inside the Goodlife changing room on Heritage Meadows Way are indicating that work friend turned squash partner David Cook has a lot more hair on his back, sho…