TORONTO – Scotiabank Arena, the home of the Toronto Raptors and Toronto Maple Leafs recently announced a change in policy in which they pledge to stop fucking around and unabashedly charge an obs…
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Trudeau announces Canada to partner with NASA to send Jody Wilson-Raybould to moon
SAINT-HUBERT, QC – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced Thursday that Canada would be partnering with NASA to put Judy Wilson Raybould in orbit around the moon. “Judy Wilson Raybould is …
Politicians who addressed United We Roll rally insist they were only supporting environmental devastation, not white supremacy
OTTAWA – Several right wing politicians including Andrew Scheer are clarifying that their attendance at a pro-pipeline/anti-immigration rally last week was solely meant to champion the envi…
‘Now do you see why I was covering this up?!’ yells Trudeau at reporters
OTTAWA – In the wake of Jody Wilson-Raybauld’s damning testimony an outraged Justin Trudeau spoke to reporters this morning, demanding they apologize for criticizing his prior efforts to st…
Ontario Dentists relieved they won’t have to work on poor people teeth for at least another 4 years
TORONTO – With the Ontario PC Party in power, Dentists across Ontario are breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to work on an additional 4.5 million poor people’s teeth. “Dental c…
Health agency brings back smallpox to teach everyone an important lesson about vaccination
WINNIPEG – The Public Health Agency of Canada has announced that it has reintroduced the deadly and highly infectious smallpox virus back into the human population so everyone learns the ha…
Clement announces return to social media by sending DM to every woman in his constituency
HUNTSVILLE, ON – Female residents of the Parry Sound—Muskoka electoral district were surprised to learn on Wednesday that their scandal prone MP, Tony Clement, was not only back at work in …
Billy Crystal stages coup in attempt to take over hosting Oscars
HOLLYWOOD – Unwilling to accept a hostless ceremony, nine time Oscar host Billy Crystal has staged a coup to take control over the event. “How dare they!” screamed Crystal as he led a milit…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
