TORONTO – Dozens of unkempt and haggard PC staffers greeted the morning dawn from the offices of Queen’s Park this morning, having spent the entire night trying to think of more alcohol rel…
Tag: Featured Post
Mandatory anti-carbon tax stickers must be placed on the faces of all Ontario residents by today
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s new law requiring everyone in the province to stick an anti-carbon tax decal in the middle of their faces kicks in today. Officials from the Ministry o…
STUDY: Average Canadian reads 97% less after getting too old for Scholastic book fair
HALIFAX — Researchers at Dalhousie University have determined that most Canadians’ volume of reading plummets over 97% after they leave elementary school, and thusly age out of the Scholast…
Rest of Canada relieved they no longer have to cheer for Boston
MONTREAL – With the Boston’s 5-1 victory in game seven of the first round of the NHL playoffs, millions of Canadians expressed relief that they no longer have to passively watch and vindict…
‘Did you know I’m not drinking alcohol this month?’ says woman to her empty bed
TORONTO – After a long and thoughtful self-care journey, Valerie Duncan has decided to give up drinking this month. A decision she has specifically chosen to disclose to her cold, empty bed…
‘Maybe this is the year the Leafs beat Boston,’ says delusional idiot who doesn’t know shit
TORONTO – Local man Dennis Hendricks believes this could be the year the Leafs finally end their playoff losing streak against the Boston Bruins, mostly because he’s a dumb fuck who says du…
YouTube warns white nationalist groups promoting race war that videos better not violate copyright
SAN BRUNO, CA – Video-sharing website and Google subsidiary YouTube has announced a strict new policy of reiterating its only response to white nationalism: swiftly pulling videos that viol…
Quebec government maintains Bill 21 isn’t racist, only how they plan to implement it is
QUEBEC CITY – The Quebec government maintained that Bill 21, which forbids public servants in position of authority from wearing religious symbols, is not intrinsically discriminatory. The …
NDP offers free tote bag to any member willing to run in federal election
OTTAWA – Struggling to field candidates in all 338 ridings for the 2019 federal election, the NDP is now offering members who decide to run some free perks, including a ‘pretty nice’ NDP br…
Woman warns coworker of clogged toilet like she shielding rookie officer from mangled corpse
OTTAWA — Reports have confirmed that senior HR administrator Sheryl Leon prevented her colleague, financial analyst Lauren Thomas, from opening the door to a bathroom stall containing a clogged t…
