OTTAWA – Hockey Night in Canada commentator Ron MacLean accidentally caught himself nodding at an old Hitler speech this week, and wants to clarify that to him, nods mean nothing. During his apol…
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Having to watch Leafs play now considered cruel and unusual punishment
TORONTO – In a unanimous decision The Court Of Appeal For Ontario has declared that no individual ought to be forced to watch the 2019-2020 Leafs play, on account of the overwhelming levels…
New Toronto dating app replaces first date with moving in together to save on rent
TORONTO – In a crowded dating-app marketplace that includes Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OK Cupid, a new app has emerged that is marketed specifically toward Toronto singles looking to co-hab…
New ISIS Leader torn between striped tie and paisley tie for first day
Syria – Earlier this morning newly appointed ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was at a loss for which tie to wear on his first day, reportedly standing in front of the mirror …
Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing
TORONTO – Donald ‘Grapes’ Cherry, a failed hockey coach and current hockey commentator who Canadians saw fit to vote as the 7th greatest Canadian of all time, is under fire for saying a rac…
Premier says only Quebecers entitled to service in English are descendants of Irish Orphans from that Heritage Minute
QUEBEC CITY – Francois Legault has declared that, moving forward, the only people in Quebec who will be able to obtain government services in English will be ones who can prove they are a d…
“See how easy that was?” says May to Scheer after quitting
OTTAWA – Shortly after resigning as leader of the Green Party this morning Elizabeth May called current Conservative leader Andrew Scheer to tell him it wasn’t all that hard. “You don’t hav…
Advisors confident Scheer’s personal charm and charisma will allow him to survive leadership review
OTTAWA – In the wake of disappointing election results many political insiders believe Andrew Scheer is on his way out as leader of the Conservative Party. But advisors to Scheer claim thes…
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating…
Five horror-movie locations that will make you want to redecorate your sex dungeon
It’s Halloween season again and we all know that what that means: horror movie marathons, delicious fun sized candy, and having to switch to your indoor sex swing. But bingeing on your favourite …
