NEW YORK – Following the collapse of notorious online financial exchange site FTX, the future cellmate of finance mogul Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years stuck in a cell next to a…
Tag: crypto
Nation shocked that Poilievre would bother hiding connection to misogynists
OTTAWA – In the wake of a damming Global News Report that Pierre Poilievre used a hidden tag in his YouTube videos to appeal to online misogynistic groups, Canadians from coast to coast are…
Attractive woman doesn’t understand why no one will tell her about Bitcoin
CALGARY – Local restaurant hostess and former beauty queen Sonia Norris is desperate for a man to tell her about Bitcoin, and can’t fathom why none of them will. “Nothing turns me on …
“Uh, that’s also how they’re supposed to work” says techbro as NFT market drops 92%
SILICON VALLEY – Amid reports that NFT sales have plummeted 92% since September, the techbro who has struggled to explain what NFTs even are is also assuring you that “the drop is also defi…
BREAKING: This man can explain why he invested in NFTs but not what an NFT is
TORONTO – Scientists in Toronto have made a startling discovery this week: local man Josh Clybourne is able to justify at length why he invested in NFTs, but seems physically incapable of d…
Poilievre counters “obnoxious nerd” image by revealing he’s into bitcoin
OTTAWA – In order to combat his well-known public image as an “insufferable know-it-all geek”, Conservative leadership hopeful Pierre Poilievre has revealed that he is also very into crypto…
REBEL Night Club adds new COVID-19 safety measures, including ban on men yelling in girls’ ears trying to explain cryptocurrency
TORONTO – A popular night club has added a number of new COVID-19 safety measures to ensure patrons feel safe on their nights out, including a ban on men yelling while explaining their likely fla…
Canadian Tire unveils crypto Canadian Tire Dollars
TORONTO – Three years after retiring its famed rewards system Canadian Tire, the retailer you go to for patio sets and Old Dutch potato chips, had announced they will bring back the system …