TORONTO – After alleging that a youth home helping children cope with autism was “ruining the neighbourhood” City Councillor Doug Ford took full responsibility for his comments today, by blaming...
Family spends entire long weekend stuck in traffic
TORONTO – The Warringtons of Toronto, Ontario got away from the big city over the long weekend by sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic as a family. “This was a bonding experience for us,” said St...
Hazel McCallion endorses Liberals, O’Carthy’s Immortality Serum
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Citing a lack of other credible candidates and a smooth-drinking, life-extending flavour, 93-year-old Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion has thrown her influence behind both Kat...
Tim Hortons celebrates 50 years of exploiting national identity for profit
HAMILTON, ON – International restaurant chain Tim Hortons is celebrating 50 years of instilling and manipulating contrived patriotic sentiment in Canadian consumers towards their brand coffee an...
POLL: Many would vote for Tim Hudak if he were completely different person
ONTARIO – With the Ontario election only one month away, polls are predicting a landslide victory for Tim Hudak, if he is willing to entirely change his campaign, policies, political party, appe...
Tories introduce ‘Three Riddles’ voting system
The Harper government has passed its controversial Noble Voters Act, which will require all potential voters to answer three riddles and “establish their virtue true” before casting a ballot. “This is...
Montrealers promise they’ll riot only if Canadiens win, lose
MONTREAL – In a brief statement read by mayor Denis Coderre, the citizens of Montreal promised that they would only riot in the event of a win, or of a loss by the Montreal Canadiens against the...
Tim Hudak offers one million jobs for one night with your wife
NIAGARA FALLS – Progressive Conservative leader Tim Hudak is willing to give one million jobs to you if he can spend one night with your wife. The salacious proposal was made while Hudak was on ...
Court upholds ban on doctor-assisted regicide
OTTAWA – In what is being called a landmark case, the Supreme court of Canada has ruled doctor-assisted regicide unlawful, a decision that could have far-reaching implications for ongoing plots ...
