BEIJING – Chinese state-sponsored hackers were disappointed after hacking into Canadian government and business research archives and discovering they contained little to no valuable information...
Study: 9 out of 10 people on fire don’t care about conflict in Middle East
EDMONTON – A new study has found high levels of apathy among Canadians towards the ongoing violence and chaos in Gaza, as 90% of individuals whose skin was currently ablaze with flames said they...
Monsanto patents more efficient version of Dave
SECRET LAB, MOJAVE DESERT – Scientists and humanitarians the world over were astonished and appalled today, as the international biotechnology corporation, Monsanto, announced that they were pla...
July 26, 1814: Heroic chocolatier Laura Secord defeats American forces with type 2 diabetes
QUEENSTON, UPPER CANADA – The prolonged American occupation of the Niagara Frontier ended last night after the majority of US troops withdrew thanks to the many sugar-rich, nutrient poor chocola...
Feds drop Cancer Society’s charitable status after determining organization is politically biased against cancer
OTTAWA – The federal government has removed the Canadian Cancer Society’s charitable status after an CRA audit revealed the organization was conducting political activities with a strong prejudi...
Jason Kenney accuses SPCA of anti-Semitism after taking soft stance on Israel
OTTAWA – Minister of Employment Jason Kenney has had enough of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals long history of remaining silent on Israeli-Palestinian affairs. “Listen, I don’t kn...
Comic-Con fans eager to discover what they’ll spend next 12 months bitching about
SAN DIEGO – While San Diego prepares for this weekend’s 2014 Comic-Con International, fans of comic books and sci-fi are preparing to find out what they’ll spend the next year whining about. “I’...
Desperate for the world’s attention, Central African Republic refugee hopes for Israeli attack
SIDO, CHAD – While awaiting his daily food ration at this UN-administered camp in Southern Chad, a CAR refugee stated that an Israeli attack of any kind could really bring world attention to the situa...
Harper slams Chief Justice on choice of outfit
OTTAWA – In the latest jab of his ongoing feud with Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Beverley McLachlin, Prime Minister Harper has slammed the jurist for her choice of outfit. “We think that i...
