Nation’s moms really looking forward to ice dancing portion of Winter Olympic Games
Winkler, MB — Admitting that they didn’t much care for any of the other televised sporting events, the nation’s mothers told reporters this week that they simply cannot wait to watch all the ice …
Upworthy changes all of existence in one short, feel-good, light on facts article
THE INTERNET – The social media sharing curating gurus at UpWorthy just published an infographic, 47-second video and gif that will blow the top off of everything, ever. “What an amazing day for …
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Meteorologists hard at work preparing Springtime weather buzzword
WINNIPEG – The innovative meteorologists behind the term “Polar Vortex” and more recently “Chillahedron” and “Popsiclypse” are putting in overtime to com…
Putin vows to finish Sochi Olympic facilities in time for next Sochi Olympics
SOCHI, Russia — Amid complaints from international media that much of the Sochi olympic facilities are still under construction and the hotel accommodations essentially unlivable, Russian P…
Quebec construction magnate cites lack of falling concrete as proof her house isn’t made of misappropriated overpass parts
LAVAL – A Quebec construction tycoon who was accused of using parts intended for Montreal’s public transit network to build her house announced that she must be innocent because her home is…
Big 5 banks worried Canadians not saving enough for retirement of bank CEOs
TORONTO – The Big 5 Canadian banks are sending a warning to Canadians; save up or else their executives may not retire in excessive opulence. Last year, TD, RBC, CIBC, BMO and Scotiabank co…
NSA XBox Live surveillance reveals Jihad97 as a noob
FORT MEADE, MD – Leaked documents from the National Security Agency have exposed 11 year old Daniel Parklin, better known by the username Jihad97, as an absolute noob. Jihad97’s lack of bas…
Local uncle insists he does not murder people at truck stops
PETERBOROUGH, ON – When asked at a family dinner what he had done the previous weekend, local uncle William Tudor Falkes vehemently denied that he was in the habit of taking human lives at …
That pusillanimous charlatan David Johnston has perniciously mulct the Order of Canada from me
BY CONRAD BLACK In what can only be called a banal display of demagoguery, the Governor General, along with that Star Council of pabulum known as the advisory council, has hoisted me from the Ord…
