MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a mean…
Undercover Mountie still on horse
VANCOUVER – Undercover RCMP officer, Michael Reynolds, has neglected to dismount prior to his infiltration of a dangerous drug ring in British Columbia. “This is one of the highest traffic …
Conservative bill proposes refugee exchange program
OTTAWA – Conservative party insiders have reported the government will move forward with an addendum to Bill C-585, which will create a program to send Canadians to war torn countries aroun…
The guy who replaced Jack Layton to wear name tag
OTTAWA – In an effort to get Canadians accustomed to his name, the Official Opposition Leader who replaced the late Jack Layton will now be wearing a name tag during working hours. “Canadia…
Human Rights Museum to revitalize Winnipeg’s economy by showcasing the suffering of others
WINNIPEG – Canada’s Human Rights Museum, with its seven floors of exhibits on the brutality endured by peoples the world over, is expected to be an economic boon to the city. “If it weren’t for t…
New survey reveals people hate tedious questioning
VANCOUVER – A recent, municipal census regarding what shade of Beige citizens prefer for the Town Hall lobby, revealed that people are fed up with answering vexatious questionnaires. Deputy…
Scottish voters say ‘ach ye windie voon dawn’ to independence
EDINBURGH — After years of country-wide debate, and a frenzied campaign that appeared to tighten in the final weeks, the result of Scotland’s independence referendum made a resounding internation…
Boring student spends year abroad in Buffalo
BUFFALO, NY – Halfway into his year-abroad, Hamilton native Walter Meadows is reporting satisfaction with the cultural experience he’s received as a transfer student to upstate New York. Ci…
Newfoundland Premier-Designate accused of insufficient quirkiness
ST. JOHN’S – The winner of Saturday’s Progressive Conservative Leadership race, Paul Davis, stands accused of being insufficiently unusual to lead Newfoundland and Labrador. Opposition pol…
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