New ‘Q’ host’s first interview will be all his former sexual partners
TORONTO – After announcing that hip hop artist Shad will be the new host for ‘Q’, the CBC has confirmed that his first interview will be every person with whom he has any sort of sexual his…
Harper defends women’s rights by telling them what to wear
OTTAWA – Canada’s Prime Minister and staunch women’s rights ally Stephen Harper is defending women’s rights by dictating what the can and cannot wear during citizenship ceremonies. “The niq…
‘Holocaust began with words’ claims minister defending large stack of words
OTTAWA – In a press conference on Tuesday, Public Safety Minister Steven Blaney claimed that “the Holocaust did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words,” in defense of Bill C-51, a doc…
Tory MP assures Canadians that his racism is merely institutional
OTTAWA – Conservative MP John Williamson has reassured the public that his comments regarding temporary foreign workers did not reflect his own personal views and was merely expressing raci…
Shithole town bans motherfucking swearing
TABER, AB – Some fucking shitheaded municipality in butt-fuck nowhere Alberta has passed a tightassed ban on motherfucking swearing. “We think this ban will make our youth more respectful,”…
Comedy visionary dreamed of a world that made more sense to him
When starting a website that you want to become the premiere source of satire and comedy writing in a country, you need things. Money, business contacts, endorsements from prominent people. Laure…
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to…
CRA discovers discrepancies in 7 out of 4 cases
OTTAWA – According to a recent internal review, the Canada Revenue Agency’s tax answers to customers have not been mathematically accurate “110% of the time.” “It would seem highly improbab…
‘Roommate wanted’ ad obviously posted by giant spider
TORONTO – Alert apartment hunters have notified the popular classified site, Kijiji, that one of their ‘roommate wanted’ ads has obviously been posted by a giant hungry spider. “I am …
Student who never attends tutorial furious at TA strike
TORONTO – A second year history student at the University of Toronto is upset to hear that the university’s TA strike is preventing him from not attending his weekly tutorials. “This is so …
