Chinese sweatshop workers already hard at work making snow
BEIJING – Mere hours after being awarded the 2022 Olympic Games Chinese officials say government sweatshop workers are already working 18 hour days to make the snow that will be featured ac…
Whitehorse changes name to ‘Yellowknife’ to avoid confusion
YELLOWKNIFE (Formerly known as WHITEHORSE) – To simplify things for Canadians living in large southern urban centers with no sense of northern geography, the City of Whitehorse will be chan…
New study finds that you fucked with the wrong scientists
OTTAWA – A recent discovery has shown that you fucked with the wrong practitioners of hypothetico-deductive methodology. “As in all science, we started by formulating a question: how badly …
Canadian ex-pats lose right to forget to vote from abroad
OTTAWA – A recent Court of Appeal ruling states that expatriate Canadians will no longer be eligible to intend to vote, then fail to “mail the thing in”, before forgetting about…
New VR headset allows viewer to experience porn from perspective of guy watching porn on computer
MONTREAL — Thanks to the numerous advances being made in the field of virtual reality, the pornographic production company Brazzers has unveiled a brand-new VR headset that finally allows viewers…
New edition of Slip ‘N Slide comes with built-in rocks
EMERYVILLE, CA – A classic summer toy for children, the Slip ‘N Slide is getting a 21st-century makeover, with the new design featuring built-in chunks of stuff that hurts the human body. “…
Hardest working senator only manages 400 vacation days per year
OTTAWA – Following recent scandals in the Upper House, workhorse Liberal senator Nick Sibbeston has rallied support by publicly revealing that he barely manages 13 months of vacation time p…
Canadian man buying groceries across the border loses right to vote
NIAGARA FALLS – After a brief shopping excursion into Buffalo, NY, a Canadian man has lost his right to vote in the next federal elections as a result of Canada’s new ex-pat voting la…
New zero-emission blood donation van powered by blood
The Canadian Blood Services added their first zero-emission vehicle to their fleet of mobile donation labs with the BlooDrive 1, a van that gets 100% of it’s energy from the human blood it collec…
Smith and Wesson unveils new shoot-ier gun
SPRINGFIELD, MA – Citing a decline in super cool firearms and wicked gunfights, weapon manufacturer Smith and Wesson has revealed a new line of shoot-ier, blast-o-riffic hand-cannons. “This…
