Trudeau hopes to build relationship with Trump over shared daddy issues
OTTAWA – On his way to Washington for their first meeting, Prime Minister Trudeau is keen on building a strong and stable connection with President Donald Trump by focusing on their deep seeded a…
Liam Neeson kills 8 in method acting rampage
VANCOUVER – 8 people lost their lives when esteemed actor Liam Neeson went on a method acting rampage while filming Taken 4. The incident began shortly after production wrapped for the day …
Bombardier seeks injunction to keep on never delivering trains
TORONTO — Bombardier Inc. went to court on Friday to preserve its right to continue failing to deliver trains to Metrolinx. “If the Government of Ontario wanted us to stop trying to deliver…
6 things only kids raised by helicopter parents understand
You’re probably used to it all by now, but your friends just don’t understand what it’s like having to deal with overbearing parents who are large, metallic rotary-winged aircraft. Sometimes, it …
Experts: next Tory leader will be candidate whose tie has largest Windsor
OTTAWA – With the Conservative leadership race heating up, experts say the next party leader will be whoever has the biggest, most ostentatious tie knot around their neck. “Tory voters need…
Local woman worried she says ‘y’all’ too much
MONTREAL — Local woman Molly Blackmore recently expressed concern to friends and family about her overuse of the contraction “y’all.” “I just find it handy!” explained Molly. “It’s casual and kin…
Kevin O’Leary wears disguise to volunteer at soup kitchen without attracting attention
RED DEER – Sources have confirmed that businessman and Conservative leadership frontrunner Kevin O’Leary donned a disguise so that he could serve underprivileged people without calling atte…
Local Dad trying to explain tribal tattoo to 4 year old son
Langley, B.C. – After years of long sleeve shirts Connor Smith’s 4 year old son, Jonathan, has finally inquired about the origin and motivation of his father’s full sleeve tribal tatt…
Betsy DeVos buys public school to practice on
WASHINGTON, DC – Recently-confirmed Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has purchased a small public school to practice on before she assumes the responsibilities for her new job. “I̵…
Public service pay issue successfully resolved after public servant dies
OTTAWA – The problem-plagued Phoenix Pay system for public servants resolved yet another pay-related issue after an employee has dropped dead from an apparent heart attack on Tuesday. Mauri…
