OTTAWA – Following a slew of anti-abortion laws being passed in the United States and heightened concerns that the same thing might happen in Canada, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer has assure...
Editorial: It’s time we think about canceling babies
By Fantine Hathaway Babies are the purest manifestation of narcissism and entitlement. It’s 2019 and I am ready to speak my truth; babies must be cancelled! I can say that because I’ve been a baby bef...
7 easy life hacks to gain unauthorized access to computer systems by exploiting security weaknesses!
Your life is jam-packed with time consuming busyness, so it’s nice to know there are ways to make things a little more simple and efficient. Whether you’re at home or at work, there are always ways to...
BREAKING: Phone dead, laptop dead, iPad dead, in tragic technology massacre
MONCTON, NB — Three Apple products were pronounced dead at the scene this morning in what law enforcements are calling, “A technology triple homicide.” “It is difficult for me to comprehend a lo...
“We’re ready for game 5,” says Raptors head coach Drake
MILWAUKEE, WI – Toronto Raptors head coach Drake says his team is 100% ready for a critical game 5 against the Milwaukee Bucks. The coach known for his animated court-side calls and antics said ...
Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect
LOS ANGELES – Musician and former famous person Moby is in the news for resolutely insisting he dated actress Natalie Portman when he was in his mid-thirties and she was a Harvard freshman and r...
Other famous political assassinations by milkshakes
With the recent murder of Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage by milkshake, the dangerous dairy beverage has been a popular weapon of choice for political assassins throughout history. Here are some famo...
Worst American pardons fourth-worst Canadian
TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, Conrad Black, is celebrating alone after receiving a pardon from America’s worst individual, their president. “If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told report...
Parents finally buy 30-year-old woman Motorola Razr
TORONTO – After nearly two decades, a family feud was finally put to rest during a celebratory dinner after 30-year-old Karleigh Byrne was gifted a Motorola Razr V3 by her parents for her recent gradu...
Fans angry Game of Thrones ended with all contenders saying “good game” and slapping hands
VANCOUVER – Fans around the world are furious about the Game of Thrones series finale, which consisted of nearly eighty uninterrupted minutes of the characters congratulating each other for play...
