Teachers reveal learning cursive in school just way to “kill time”
WOLFVILLE, NS – The Canadian Teacher’s Association has revealed that the addition of cursive to the school curriculum was only meant as a way to “kill some time.” “Honestly, we just sort of…
Local mother and father play a rousing round of Who is the Tiredest?
MONCTON – After growing weary of their regular routine of parenting of three young children, Tony Garcia and Emma Weston managed to bring excitement and joie-de-vivre back into their lives …
Ontario government: The purpose of our scientists’ COVID projections was for betting purposes only
TORONTO – The province of Ontario clarified that any of the COVID-19 projections made by provincial doctors, scientists, and epidemiologists were for politicians to make bets on if they cam…
Winter leg hair declared old growth by UNESCO
VICTORIA – After months of deliberation and strenuous debate, an expanse of winter leg hair located on the lower half of Hannah Angelopoulos has now been classified as old growth by the Uni…
Ford: we thought having a confusing mess of vaccine registration sites would give people in lockdown something to do
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford defended the shambolic vaccine registration process this morning, noting it gives Ontarians stuck at home something to spend all their time doing. “All pandemic …
Local teens find old laptop with PornHub Premium account in woods
VANCOUVER – Local teens Luke, Ryan, and Tucker were gobsmacked this weekend after finding a laptop with a paid premium account to the explicit website PornHub in the woods behind their scho…
4-year old tab closed, never read
NORTH BAY, ON – On Sunday, William Herd finally closed a browser tab he had opened four years ago. The tab contained a long-read from ProPublica on what the world can expect from a Trump pr…
Air Canada promises to refund tickets with your money
OTTAWA – After a deal was reached to provide Air Canada with a $5.9 billion aid package, a spokesperson for the company announced they would allow refunds for tickets now that they can use …
Jacob unveils plans to eat that for a dollar
MONCTON, NB – Speaking to an assembled crowd outside of his 2nd grade classroom, 8-year-old Jacob Moir has announced that he intends to eat any substance his classmates can name and provide…
Ontario school opening/closing policy determined by a cat who wants in or out
TORONTO – Ontario’s Ministry of Education cat has determined that schools will be closed after he decided to come inside. The feline, Misty the COVID Cat, was at first hesitant to make a de…
