Stop what you’re doing and prepare to panic. A new examination of American law has found that even male adults can be placed under a conservatorship. While statistically unlikely, it seems that ...
Apple farmers to spend winter relaxing, inventing 50 000 new varieties
Hemmingford, QC – Local apple farmer, Bud Timberson, just finished the last of his deliveries for the season and he’s quite excited about it. “Well my back hurts, my feet hurt, but overall it wa...
Inspiring: This man isn’t locked into a long, expensive contract with Rogers
TORONTO – While people all across the country find themselves stuck in costly, multi-year contracts with Rogers Communications, Shohei Ohtani, a professional baseball player from Ōshū, Iwate, Japan, h...
Most popular Christmas Gifts in each Province
Canadians buy a lot of Christmas Presents. And while most should be from the Beaverton Merch Store, some aren’t. Here is our list of the most popular Christmas Presents in every province. Newfou...
Leafs fake injury to star rookie goaltender to save 750k on the Cap
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs plan to circumvent the NHL’s Salary Cap continued again last night, with the team staging an obviously fake injury to Joseph Woll in order to save on his ...
Tortorella convenes press conference to talk about how much he hates press conferences
PHILADELPHIA – Following the Philadelphia Flyers’ morning skate, coach John Tortorella held a press conference to detail his hatred for press conferences. “I asked you all to come here tod...
Frustrated driver keeps one wheel in bike lane to show cyclists how it’s used
TORONTO, ON ― Fed up with cyclists slowing traffic in the car lanes they’re legally entitled to use, local driver Hugh Weaver is taking it upon himself to show them how it’s done. “I never understood ...
Poilievre asks pretty please if he can take credit for cutting 600 CBC jobs
OTTAWA – In the wake of news that CBC/Radio-Canada will lay off 600 employees nationwide, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has inquired if he can publicly announce that it was his idea and his...
Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men
By The Beaverton Editorial Board A spectre is haunting dating – the spectre of women not dating men like us. Dating and marriage used to be simple. A man chose a woman, her father approved, and ...
Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest
COMOX, B.C. — Local adolescent Graham Holley’s adventure in a parallel world came to a disappointing conclusion thanks to his foolish belief that there was magic in his own heart, and not in the amule...
