OTTAWA – Embattled Senator Mike Duffy is in further legal trouble after RCMP reports claim he used a portion of his $298,310 expenses to do the same work as a senator. “The Senator paid a ...
Nova Scotia elects premier most Canadians will never hear about again
HALIFAX – Nova Scotians headed to the polls to elect a person that will never be heard from again by anyone outside of the province. The vast, uninterested masses of Canadians, will go back to i...
Women everywhere scramble to lock down ‘winter boyfriend’
Burnaby, BC – Anthropologists studying human female migration patterns have noticed mass movements of women toward cafes, college campuses, and libraries in pursuit of finding a mate for the win...
REPORT: Still unclear if mound of rubble is part of construction work or Nuit Blanche
TORONTO – Days after the Nuit Blanche arts festival, Toronto residents are still not sure whether an especially scenic pile of rubble is part of the city’s ongoing construction work, or if it is...
Wine bar’s “No Dogs” sentiment extremely mutual, say dogs
WHITBY – A small crowd of local dogs gathered on leashes outside of Aule Wine Bar confirmed that the artfully stenciled sign reading “Nee Canes,” which prevents them from enjoying the establishm...
Homeless man probably fine
TORONTO – After brief but careful analyses of the clothing, grooming, and language ability of an elderly homeless man who spends hours each day repeatedly walking between the Annex and Parkdale ...
Kingston mayor on Queen’s Homecoming: ‘the horror, the horror’
KINGSTON – After Queen’s University students failed to pick up tens of red plastic cups from their Homecoming festivities this weekend, Kingston mayor Mark Gerretsen’s was left utterly thunderst...
Nova Scotia election services offered in both English and Cape Bretoner
HALIFAX – Elections Nova Scotia has announced that its services will be offered in two Nova Scotian dialects on election day; english and Cape Bretoner. “We’re quite pleased to see that Capers a...
If PJ Stock does not shut up right now, he is going to find out about the switchblade I keep in my jowls
By Elliotte Friedman It is an honour to be a part of CBC’s legendary Hockey Night in Canada broadcast, and to spend the second intermission discussing the most important hockey news with some of...
PROROGATION UPDATE: Parliament more productive when prorogued
OTTAWA – MPs who were worried that the prorogation of Parliament would send Canadian democracy grinding to a halt can’t believe how much they’re getting done. “Freed from Question Period,” Liberal lea...
