OTTAWA – Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan told reporters that he was “the architect” behind the record-breaking 3.5 kilometre sniper shot reported by Canadian defence officials. “…
Politics
Trudeau demands to know how many shirtless photos it will take for Der Spiegel to drop story
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is now sweetening the deal for Der Spiegel to retract a story about him encouraging German Chancellor Angela Merkel to appease US President Donald Tru…
Litre of Donair Sauce appointed as Nova Scotia finance minister
HALIFAX – In a move that has surprised many throughout the province, 1 litre of Donair sauce has been appointed as Minister of Finance and Treasury Board, taking over from Randy Delores. “I…
Experts split as to whether NDP Leadership race currently underway
OTTAWA — This week researchers at the University of Ottawa admitted that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to conclusively determine whether an NDP Leadership race was currently…
NS Premier celebrates majority government win with traditional Cape Breton ER closure
GLACE BAY, NS – Premier Stephen McNeil marked his narrow Liberal majority victory by announcing a local ER would be closing for the next three to six weeks. Closing an ER in Cape Breton …
Captive Minister of Fisheries eyes dagger tucked in pirate king’s belt
ARABIAN SEA – After being held captive for three days by Absimil “Goose Flesh” Sayid and his crew while on assignment in Somalia, Minister of Fisheries Dominic LeBlanc saw in the knife hanging of…
Niagara Region Councillor investigating impostor who emailed porn to colleagues and looks, behaves exactly like him
ST CATHARINES – A Niagara Regional Councillor has set up his own investigation into the impostor who used his email to distribute a pornographic image to 95 of his colleagues, and by strang…
The Rebelton: Refugees
“If these people really aren’t a threat to us then there is NO way for us to protect ourselves from them!”…
The Justin Trudeau Random Photobomb Headline Generator
Since any staged interaction between the public and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is considered newsworthy and a ‘photobomb’, the Beaverton has developed a state-of-the-art random hea…
Ransomware that attacked Sask government demands 1 million tonnes of potash or else
REGINA – According to sources within the provincial government, Hackers who have disabled parts of the Saskatchewan’s website are demanding over 1 million tonnes of potash or else it would …
