UXBRIDGE, ON – An Ontario student living three years into the future will receive a perfect score on his standardized phrenology exam. William Paxter, 17, will put in long hours of studying…
Ontario
Revived 1998 Ontario sex-ed curriculum encourages students to be more of a Chandler and less of a Joey
TORONTO – Following the announcement that schools in Ontario will be returning to the prior 1998 sex-ed lesson plans, educators have begun dusting off old materials, which instruct students to ac…
Doug Ford replaces sex-ed curriculum with old copy of Playboy found in woods
TORONTO — Premier Ford announced today that he will scrap the 2015 Sex-Ed curriculum introduced by the Liberals, in favour of a stack of well-worn porno left for students to discover in the…
Budget cuts: Ontario unveils DIY school repair program for students
TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is calling on elementary and high school students to learn valuable construction skills since his government recently cut the $100 million school repair …
Ford vows to treat asylum seekers like his own family
QUEEN’S PARK – Facing criticism for his refusal to help resettle asylum seekers, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has pledged to treat vulnerable refugees with all the care and consideration he has show…
Hamilton tick infestation fails to combat city’s Torontonian infestation
HAMILTON, ON – As the summer shifts into full swing, Hamilton residents have been placed on high alert with reports that the tick epidemic currently sweeping the city has failed to countera…
Doug Ford cuts millions in education costs by replacing every teacher in Ontario with one retired cop
QUEEN’S PARK – Just days after taking office, Doug Ford has cut education costs in Ontario by firing all 113,672 full time teachers, and replacing them with Gary, a retired cop who has ‘seen some…
Living proof that Canada is no better than the U.S. sworn in as Ontario Premier
TORONTO – A walking, talking refutation to the argument that Canada is in some way a more progressive country than the United States was sworn in as Ontario Premier this morning. “We have a…
Andrea Horwath looking forward to continuing to have no power
HAMILTON – After securing a new position as Leader of the Official Opposition, Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath says she’s looking forward to having no power still when the provincial government…
Marineland sets Orca fin to half-mast in honour of late founder
NIAGARA FALLS, ON — To honour the recent passing of Marineland owner John Holer, an Orca dorsal fin has been flown at half-mast in the beleaguered amusement park. “We really think it’s what…
