TORONTO, ON- A Toronto resident returned home today to a sure sign that he forgot to lock his front door; a retail weed store run out of his apartment. “When I saw all the kids lined up in the ha…
Business
New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being ca…
CRTC approves Rogers-Shaw deal to protect Canadians from dangers of choice paralysis
OTTAWA – The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has approved the acquisition of Shaw broadcasting services by Rogers in a move being touted as in ‘the best interest…
Terrible cafe no longer able to blame lockdown for failing business
Etobicoke, ON – As capacity limits and other public health limits are lifted throughout Ontario, the owners of Geralds Koffee Korner are no longer able to blame lockdowns for their complete…
Hasbro ends all elective games of Operation amid COVID surge
PAWTUCKET, RI – As the US healthcare system struggles under the weight of new Omicron admissions, toy and board game maker Hasbro has announced that all non-critical games of Operation will…
Nike releases special edition Nike Lebron 19 Sweatshop Pack to celebrate Chinese New Year
BEAVERTON, OR — Nike has released a special edition Sweatshop Pack of the Nike LeBron 19 to celebrate Lunar New Year this year. The Sweatshop Pack features some of the newest LeBron 19 colourways…
$4 billion stock loss forces Spotify to postpone week’s 0.10¢ royalty payments to artists
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – After musicians protested Spotify’s $100 million deal with podcaster Joe Rogan, despite his spreading COVID misinformation, the streamer reported a loss of $4 billion wh…
Kellogg’s replaces on-strike Tony the Tiger with child-friendly scab, Jerry the Jaguar
BATTLE CREEK, MI – Kellogg’s is moving to replace the 1,400 striking workers at several major US plants after contract negotiations broke down earlier this week. Hoping to stamp out any fur…
Supply chain issues continue to flummox nation’s “guys who know a guy”
VANCOUVER – Distributors continue to struggle with supply chain issues as economies reopen around the world. As a result, Canadians can expect to be waiting longer and paying more whether s…
Coca-Cola CEO admits the only reason they make mini cans is for dudes to use in their dick pics
ATLANTA – Coca-Cola CEO Bryan O’Malley acknowledged this morning what industry insiders had long suspected: that the only reason the company sells the 222ml mini can version is so guy…
