Columnist just going to re-run his "Nobody Wants To Work Anymore!" editorial from last month to save the effort - The Beaverton

Columnist just going to re-run his “Nobody Wants To Work Anymore!” editorial from last month to save the effort

TORONTO – David Maddux, one of the ’s best hate-click generators, has decided to simply re-run his Nobody Wants To Anymore column to save himself the time and effort.

“I was going to write a brand new column talking about ‘these kids need to pay their dues like I did’ and ‘back in my day you showed up every day grateful to have a job!,” said Maddux. “But I stayed up too late binge-watching Better Call Saul so I decided to just sleep in and turn in last month’s editorial where I said basically the same thing.”

“I made a few tweaks so no one would notice. I changed ‘good for nothings’ to ‘lazy so and sos’ and ‘elbow grease’ to ‘the grind’ to seem more hip.”

Like many editorialists, uncles and people born in the middle of the 20th Century (the greatest economic period in human history), Maddux feels today’s generation just don’t understand what it means to struggle like he did. Don’t appreciate the value of a dollar, or the satisfaction of a hard day’s work. All of which he had already pointed out in last month’s column so why bother saying it all again using slightly different terminology.

“People would rather stay home and collect CERB than work at Starbucks,” said Maddux in a column he originally wrote back when CERB existed and which he has since continued to claim in every article since without checking the program was ongoing.

“The great resignation they call it! More like the great staycation,” he chuckled to himself as he used the time he had freed up to work on his novel about a writer who gets cancelled for his truth-telling but then becomes a private investigator that solves sexy murders.

In related news Maddux would be writing next week’s column about how everyone should go back to the from his home office.